31-Day Writing Challenge, Dating, Faith, Love, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Trust, Uncategorized, Writing, Writing Challenge

I Want Butterflies

Meeting the Real Love of My Life
Kimberly N. Alleyne
The Harvest Magazine, Publisher and Editor
Writing Challenge Day 5: The Love of My Life

 

It was the most incredible first-date I have ever had. I have never met anyone like him before.

I could not have scripted it any more perfectly. We met for an early dinner that Sunday; the food was mediocre. I didn’t care. Then once the food came, we ate bits and pieces. I was hungry, but I was too nervous to eat. I think he was, too. We fed more off of the conversation, which flowed effortlessly; there were no gaps or lulls. Our laughter and rose over the growls from my stomach until I didn’t notice them anymore. It was easy, fun, and perfect. Later we went for a ride on his motorcycle. When the evening ended, I knew I wanted him in my life (I didn’t tell him that, but I knew it).

We just kind of slid into our relationship. There was nothing formal, we both just knew, which made it–made us–even more perfect. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We clicked so well, had so many interests, beliefs, desires in common. Our time together was amazing. We had a blast no matter what we did.

It was easy to fall in love with him.

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He was everything I had prayed for…

Each time I saw him—butterflies. Each time I heard his voice—butterflies. Each time I thought of him—butterflies.

Later, long broken heartsafter I had given him my heart, and after we talked about marriage and children, I learned he had been dishonest–more than once–and unfaithful. I was devastated. It seemed the more we talked, the more he lied. Then he shut down and refused to communicate. I felt rejected, abandoned and unloved.

The butterflies left.

When he was confronted with his deception, he buried his head in the sand rather than work to repair our relationship. An even deeper cut.

Too many cuts–deep cuts–that didn’t heal no matter how I nursed them with prayer. I decided to forgive him, but by then all the trust and faith I’d put in him fluttered away. The relationship ended.

We ended…

“I guess love is not going to conquer all this time.”

I remember him saying that about us. He was right. I never got the truth. He wouldn’t communicate. I never forgave him, so I carried anger and bitterness. My unforgiveness became too heavy for the relationship to survive. We didn’t have a chance.

It was a heart ache like none I have ever felt. The hurt was so intense that my heart ached when I exhaled. I loved him purely and thoroughly. Since our break up, I’ve spent much time communing with the Lord, seeking His hand for heart repair, and why/how the relationship ended. I have heard His whispers to me. Ultimately, I sank too much confidence in him. The depth of my disappointment and pain was rooted in my delusions about his capacity to meet my expectations. He would never be able to meet my expectations because he’s human.

I heard God whisper that He is my everything, my one source. Only God can meet all of my needs—He exceeds my expectations every time. He is my personal fount of Ephesians 3:20, ever able and ready to exceed anything I can ask Him for or imagine. His love is real. He is God, the Great I Am, so He could never lie to me, reject me or abandon me. God is unable to abandon; His love for me–for you–is too massive too abandon. 

God is the lifter of my head, and my friend, my provider and protector. He is right by my side as He pours His healing virtue on my broken heart, and clears my clouded perception of love. He is my husband.

He is perfect, absolutely perfect. I have never known anyone like Him. All I need is in Him; He is truly more than enough. It is wise and safe for me to my faith in Him (Psalm 118:8-9) than an earthly being whose love for me evolves, and is subject to cease at any moment.

I trust Him. His love for me conquers all…And He gives me butterflies.

 

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