And Psalm 27:13-14 And Isaiah 40:31 Are Not What I Want to Hear Right Now
Kimberly N. Alleyne
The Harvest Magazine, Publisher and Editor
For the last several days, Juanita Bynum’s song, “I Don’t Mind Waiting” has been playing on repeat on in my head. I used to love that song!! When it was first released, I sang it and hummed it, played the CD (remember those?) over and over at home, and played it repeatedly in my car. I piped out the lyrics without much thought; the lyrics were simple, pure, and they calmed me.
That was then.
Now? Not so much.
The truth is, I do mind waiting these days. Waiting on answers, directions, answers to prayers is hard, harder than it’s ever been. To be completely transparent, I am tired — real tired– of waiting.
There. I wrote what I have been thinking and feeling. Deep, deep breath.
I hear all sorts of clocks ticking in my head: the biological clock; the “I’m running out of time to complete God’s purpose for my life”; the “I’ll never meet my husband (or never marry) clock; the “I feel behind, like I have not accomplished much” clock; and then there’s the daily “there just aren’t enough hours in the day” clock.
Too many clocks. Too much anxiety. Too much fretting about today, tomorrow and the next day …
So what’s the answer? How can I silence the clocks in my head? I am well familiar with Psalm 27:14-14 and Isaiah 40:31; I have done my ample share of waiting, being still, knowing the Lord is God, and being of (semi) good courage. Really. And I’m tired; that’s how I feel in this season. Ex. Haus. Ted. For real.
So what gives? I am telling myself that I gotta get out of this pit. I gotta get outta here. Being fidgety, and anxious about when God will move, answer, provide, replenish, or simply speak is not a good place to be in.
Now that I’ve exposed myself, and admitted what’s in my heart, I should probably pursue a method of auto-correct. I need to be mindful not to be consumed with what, when, where, how and why. None of that matters. God is still sovereign and He is still on His throne. He is still El Roi, Rapha, Jireh and Nissi. God does not need me to apply any of my brain power in the details of my life. What He does need–and want– is my devotion, my faithfulness, my thanksgiving and my praise, and my love that is not contingent on when, or if He moves as I desire.
I need to fix my mind on all the lovely and praiseworthy things I am privy to, and that’s a lot of things to be fixated on. The wonders of the Lord are immeasurable, too many to put a number to.
I need to worship Him, deeply, purely and without distraction.
I need to remind myself that God has always answered prayers, provided, protected, delivered, healed, restored, repaired and defended.
And He’s never forgotten me, led me to a place or situation that was in opposition to His blessings favor or grace, allowed me to fall out of His hand, lied to me, failed me, or stopped loving me.
[tweetthis]I need not to be consumed with what, when, where, how and why. None of that matters. God is still on His throne. [/tweetthis]
So this time won’t be different. Why would it be? I need to keep my mind on Him, and remember all the many times, when I found myself in a season–much like the one I am in now–where I couldn’t find my way, when there was much unrest, rejection and spinning in circles, when I had no idea what my next move should be because the even the smallest hint of the future, near and far, seemed locked away behind a impenetrable stone wall.
Now that I think of it, this is actually a great place to increase my faith. It’s a time to draw closer to the Lord, to seek Him rather than His plan—I think in my seeking Him, He’ll reveal, in His time, all I long to see, hear, know, receive…He never fails to answer or reveal, no matter how gray or cloudy or foggy the road ahead appears.
When I consider things from this perspective, I realize that waiting can be sweet. It can be refreshing. It can be just what God intended it to be all along—and I guess I don’t mind waiting at all.